22 Years Later

This morning, to honor the fallen, I was able to stop by Ladder 3 on East 13th Street with a bouquet of flowers.

For those who might not know or remember, the NYFD Ladder 3 Company's morning shift change was tragically timed with the September 11, 2001 attacks. It meant that their company was one of the first to arrive on site, carrying far more men than usual.

Their team bore some of the heaviest casualties in the NYC fire department that day. They lost 12 men including their Captain Patrick "Paddy" Brown. Gerard Dewan, Jeff Giordano, Tim McSweeney, Steve Olsen, Kevin Donnelly, Jay Ogren, Jimmy Coyle, Joe Maloney, John Williamson, John McAvoy, and Mike Carroll as well.

After news of Ladder 3’s terrible potential loss, I, along with many others spontaneously began leaving fresh flowers and a few candles to light outside the firehouse doors as an offering of prayer for both the missing and also for the recovery team. This went on for weeks as the crew continued to search the rubble for survivors.

I would walk my boys (who were then 9 and 11 years old) to Friends Seminary, their local school and then walk over to visit the firehouse. I spent time weekly, clearing out the wilted arrangements so that there would be room for the new bouquets and single stems that were still being dropped off from neighbors and shop owners. Neighbors would drop off extra vases and even buckets of water.

Today, I spoke with Captain Tom (I didn’t catch his last name) and shared my memories of those days and weeks. He was very interested in my stories about the guys who were left at the station, how they handled the tragedy.

I told him they handled it as well as anyone could in their position, which is to say, they were very affected by the scale of it. They were grief stricken and exhausted on top of wanting to continue to protect and defend. Survivor's guilt seemed to hang heavily on them.

I remember crews covered in ash coming back from working at Ground Zero in a different fire truck, as the truck that was being used on 9/11 was buried in the wreckage and is now part of the 9/11 Memorial Museum near the Freedom Tower. 

More than once, one of the firemen would climb off the truck and just stand there a minute, taking in the color and visual display of all the flowers that were left for them. After searching through cinders and massive destruction all day, their eyes seemed to need something to land on that was vivid, colorful, textural and alive. I guess it was a form of color therapy. I kept a list of all the flowers.

Roses, Iris, Daisies, Carnations, Gladiolas, Bird of Paradise, Clematis, Forget-Me-Nots, Chrysanthemum, Zinnias, Calla Lilies, Cyclamen, Clematis, Gerbera Daisies, Cockscombs, Heather, Camellia.

Sometimes words would come. Once I heard: "I was supposed to work that shift. I switched with my buddy." Or “Timmy’s wife just had a baby four months ago.”

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In their honor, and in honor of everyone lost on this day 22 years ago, I offer this video I created, inspired by Eye to Eye's song “Fly Now.”

Be well,
Never forget,
Love,
xxx
Deborah